How To Be a Douchebag in only 78 Simple Easy Steps

Sarcasm, Judgment, Stress, Political Incorrectness and Value-Added-Tax! Are those all really bad things? Or have they been misunderstood for a long period of humanity? As a level five vegan, I can voucher with a personal opinion in the matter, and I do admit that stress generated by a waiter's persistence to remember the order rather than write it the F down or someone doing number two outside the window while you eat at a restaurant with a view can sometimes get to me in a less than desirable manner. However, I do find many of those misjudged tools extremely important in a world where it really has become impossible to be nice! Plus, those are intrinsic human traits. Our brains do it anyway, but sometimes, influenced by social media, we can repress those thoughts and try to be civil in a world where a stranger could easily lick you in the subway. But I say NO! A Big Fat Hairy NO! Now the time has come to reclaim all those innate human elements, and embrace our inner assholes. It is now time to unleash our inner saboteur (Could never pronounce that right!) and let him drive the wheel for a while! Listen to those voices inside your head, nurture them, love them, give them voice, and be the worst version of yourself! Screw Diets and Exercise! Let's all be fat and happy!